We have all had many a giggle at the online postings of idiotic support calls/email that tech support staff have had to deal with from people that clearly shouldn't be allowed to own a computer, so I thought I would share a few of my own. Just when you think you have reached the limits of stupidity and no-one could ever ask or say anything more dumb, someone comes along and surprises you.

I recently dealt with a customer who had registered a domain name, signed up for hosting and had the holding page up and running but could not get his site to work because he would not upload it to the correct place (wwwroot). No matter how many times I told him that his site needed to go in the wwwroot he would not listen as he thought he knew better. In the end he decided to take his business elsewhere because we supposedly had no idea what we are doing, he was advised how to transfer his domain, but then decided for some bizarre reason that we were with holding his domain and stopping him using it, even though he had already changed the name servers and pointed it at his new host. He then claimed that his domain name had not even been registered and we had ripped him off, despite the fact that he was able to view the web site with the holding page, he had edited the name servers to point it elsewhere and the WHOIS showed it was in fact registered.

Here are some of the incredible rantings I got from this chap. Now I accept the fact that some people are simply not very I.T literate, and that is understandable and most of those people are aware of their limitations and openly admit them, but this crazy guy actually claimed to be an I.T professional and is a MCITP and a member of ACITP (wooo) , which is why I thought this utter lunacy was actually worth posting as my 5 year old son knows more about the internet than this guy. And no I don't even have a clue what he is talking about most of the time, and his inability to write coherent English or use punctuation doesn't help either:-)

Anyway Enjoy the lunacy, those of you who really are I.T. professionals and do understand how the Internet works should appreciate the funny side of this, such as how you can supposedly use a domain without registering it, how everyone only uses php and mysq and how you are not allowed to touch servers and networks if you are not a registered member of ACTIP with letters after your name and other equally enthralling words of ignorant wisdom :-) As for his MCITP certification that he is so proud of, I actually looked it up and my 5 year old could also get one of those, you can even download all the questions and answers online.

Names have been removed to protect the stupid.

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Hi, John here from **** please can you transfer my domain name over to this server thank you john *** details below

Primary Name Server: ns1.******.co.UK
Secondary Name Server: ns2.******.co.UK

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He was then advised how to change name servers and that a domain transfer must be done from his new registrar. Which then resulted in the below response. It seems he has decided to run his own hosting company off his home PC/ADSL line :-) Can you imagine him shutting down his PC each night and then wondering why his customers call to say 'my web site is down', so he turns on his pc and says 'seems to work ok for me'.

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hi there 
well can you tell me how i would do this on bluethunder site only i have gone to where it changes over to the server which is by the way my own server because i have a copy of parallels helm control panel and are in the process of setting this up so iam doing away with hosting companies and yes i did up load my site to the root folder finally with filezilla and it did nt display but now i no why it did nt because i also did set up he database and uploaded to the database folder when i tryed to set up the dsn in coldfusion when i clicked save it would go to processing and it did nt save like it should do because as you said in your email its there but might not display the saved dsn which is wrong because i watched the helm video and it has to process and it comes up saved if it tests ok on local host it should work on your server so there is a issue on your server maybe you should have told me this in the first place instead of taking a clients money and not giving full support with this matter then you would nt get people want to leave your company after a week  so just tell me how i can transfer the domain over to my server if you decide not to cooperate then i shell have a word with the acitp of which iam a member to force an enforcement on you for u to release my domain name thank you john mcitp
i spoke to you before i bought the package and i suggested to you i was going to use coldfusion mx 7 but you said use 8 why say use 8 when you it dont work well on your server or dont recogise the dsn settings in coldfusion dont make sense 

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Now obviously I had a hard time figuring out what the hell he was talking about above, but it seems he thinks that because he couldn't get his site/dsn to work that ColdFusion 8 therefore doesn't work and he was somehow lied to.

I then tried to explain to him that providing support on how to use dreamweaver, how the internet works, how to use coldfusion etc is rather beyond our remit and is not the kind of support he can demand from a hosting company and he shouldn't really be advising us how to do our job and run our servers. Which resulted in the below, which makes even less sense.

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Hi there
I can give you advice on what I feel fit to do so I will be in touch with the acitp of which iam a member /member number xxxxxxx474 please don't insult my intelligence ok I will be making a full report to them as regards your company's attitude you did not read my last email properly it don't refer to racing cars either what is done on a local host is a testing platform before loading it up to a server I have 4 websites up and running and got no problems I did read your email's and so called instruction but you moaned about support tickets being sent that's what they are there for oh and by the way I printed of the whole guide on helms manual and it states in the user manual a lot more info than you got on your website the reason why your other so called customers are not having probs maybe you either don't have that many or they have developed the site in HTML and don't have databases to set up in coldfusion because most sites are programmed with php my SQL and Apache or the use of wamp so therefore if I would have used coldfusion mx 7 it would have worked on your servers,the way I see it your more interested in taking peoples money from them and not giving them support on the matter and  I did state I will be setting up my own server at the moment and that's the reason why I want the domain by law it states in my mcitp agreement member ship no company can hold another clients domain for more than 2 hours or 2 days depending on working hours etc if you want to be silly and hold on to it I will be reporting the matter to trading standards as regards my rights on this matter plus if you aint got no quals in servers or ciso networking or any form of it professionals number if so what's your badge number or acitp member number so when I right them they can confirm who you are
Also your refund policy states you give refund for customers who are not happy with your services and iam not so I want a refund on this account
I will be leaving comments in the online forums in the acitp section to let everyone no what your company is like and your attitude 

John ******* mcitp 

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Now by this point I was at the end of my tether with all the insults and accusations, and as he was no longer a customer I stopped trying to be polite. I also advised him AGAIN that the domain is registered and he can do a WHOIS to check this, and also pasted the whois results to him. As I could also forsee him then claiming it was not registered to him I also advised him that the registrant details are hidden as that is what he has chosen to do by purchasing ID privacy. I may as well have been talking to a brick wall, and the response contains even more bizarre nonsense than the last . By this point I had given up  and stopped responding to him :-)

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I don't want to listen to your stupid comments you don't have a IT professionals number so you are not got quals to run networking servers I will be reporting this to the acitp and the trading standards
If you download domain analyzer and check to see if www.mydomain.com is live it comes up as free to use so its not been registered at all all your interested in is taking people money and that just shows what type of business attitude you have and you cant answer the rest of the so called dabble because you can use your so called brain either full refund is what I want and I will get it when I talk to the right departments and I will post what I like on the net and I will do what I like try and stop me I have more power and I have people that will represent me such as the mcitp you got just a solicitor
Also there is telephone software that translates phone numbers to the one you have such as this made up USA generated number

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